Dear future wife,
I am glad to have you by my side, honestly speaking, I am intrigued and constantly asking myself how good this relationship will be. I am love pessimist and at the same time a hopeless romantic. I am a beauty concious chap and a fella who loves it old school(hope you know what I mean), I prefer love letters under my door mart or under my pillow to WhatsApp messages and emails. Like I told your earlier darling, I love it old school. In this our relationship, you should know that I am not insecure and neither should you be, life is short therefore I will not love you according to the so-called love bible(if at all it exists). I will love you to the moon and back, you will be the light that glows in the dark, my moonlight, my lamp… You are a lady of sorts, a multi coloured rose of all seasons. I admire you more than I can ever admire anything else in life, but, you should not be fooled by my niceness. Henceforth, dont expect me to let down any opportunity of free goodies, and this is on the basis of life’s being too short, that I have to maximise all possible opportunities. I will not limit you, like I will not limit myself, therefore you can have your life as you please, but even when drunk, make sure you can point your boyfriend out of the crowd.
I was raised in a generation full of political prostitutes, made up of people who dont know exactly what they want(today its NRM, tomorrow its UPC), but don’t worry, I know exactly what I want. Believe me, I am very sobber. Therefore, You should never tell me to take you to KFC, those are places meant for people in courtship, we are done with that. I will take you to the movies only when “think like a man too” isn’t the movie on the list. My riches are mine alone, thus all cars in the garage are mine, you should work hard to buy one, you can actually start deposting some cash to my account. I will take you to dinner as often as I can and thats the only time you shouldn’t leave my side. Never check my phone unless you are ready for a premature death, and lastly, never call me sweetheart when you need something from me, call me by my real name.
Best regards to all my inlaws, and you should also tell them never to come to my house for dinner, I can’t afford too many plates, perhaps, this is not a hotel or restaurant. Nevertheless, I love them too.
Yours in Love,
– say you, say me
– stupid love
– pills and portions